What Do You Do When You are Anxious?

I have mentioned before that I have a mental illness but there are probably some reading this who don't know that. Anyway, I have social phobia, traumatic stress disorder and Obsessive thinking and when I'm really sick, I have delusions. Lots of fun.

I am back in therapy since I got very sick this fall. She is helping me think differently; I am a negative thinker, especially about myself. I started to write journals with the help of Brave Girls Club. I find this helpful.

The last two weeks, my sister was visiting from Washington State. She is the one who is homeless. She used to live with us but was too allergic to the pollens here and had to leave. Since she was here, my mom and daughters came to visit a lot and I used to love all the hustle and bustle; but now I am sick and it was hard.

I felt anxious right away and it got worse so I said to myself, "What did my therapist say to do?" For the life of me I couldn't remember. So, I just decided to thank God for what was good and I felt a bit better. The next day I re-read my journals which helped a lot. The third day, I remembered. I'm supposed to write down my feelings if they are overwhelming so I did. I write in the form of a prayer, giving these feelings to God. Each day I felt more peace and I thank God for his strength.

I realized, from reading my first journal, that I wasn't saying positive things every day. This is the most important thing for me to do and I didn't do it. I always wonder why I seldom keep up with the things I am supposed to do. It is so alien for me to think on purpose instead of just going along with whatever comes into my head.

Tonight, I am going to print out positive thoughts and cut each one out and put them in a box so when I feel bad I will run to the box for help. I thought I'd share this idea with those of you who are depressed and negative.

So, why is a Christian depressed and negative? Well, childhood abuse. So, why aren't I all healed up at 65 yrs. old? I don't know and I don't care. I have to keep plugging along with the life God gave me. He didn't give me depression; he helps me walk through it. If I were smarter or had more faith maybe I'd be a ball of sunshine! Hasn't happened, and as far as I can see it never will. Sunshiny thinking is something I will work on til I go to heaven and that's okay. Endurance is a fruit of the Spirit and God will give it to me.  Love to all of you.