Why Do I Do What I Don't Want to Do?

"For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do." Galatians 5:17

"For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.  Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death." 

Romans 7:22 - 8:2 

This is what I want to do: Be just like Jesus. Love everyone, no matter what they do or say. Never say the wrong thing. Never hurt anyone. Love God with all my mind and heart. I'm afraid my actual life is far from these ideals.

The other day, my husband started talking about a man we had known many years ago. We had found out he had molested his daughter and beat his wife. My husband remembered the good times we had had with this family and said, "I wonder where he is now?"  I said, "Well, I hope he is dead."

Hmm, then I laughed and said, "You know, I worry about people who are lost and I pray for them, but when it comes to someone I know personally who did something horrible, I want them to be lost and dead as a door nail."  I've forgiven my father for molesting me, yet I hate this other guy who did the same thing.

I'm with Paul. "Wretched man that I am. Who will deliver me..."  

From time to time, (actually, lots of times) when I think I'm doing pretty good, the Lord will show me my true self - the hateful, unforgiving, selfish self that I am. But thank God, I know he loves me anyway. He just doesn't want me to think I can be or do anything truly good without him. He wants me to see I am still a sinful creature who falls and will stay down unless he lifts me up. 

I used to be afraid of God when I would do something wrong, but I have learned he still loves me. My sins don't surprise him like they do me!

"I love you, LORD; you are my strength.  The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."   
Psalm 18:1

Sold into Sin.

Slaves: Istanbul Archaelogical Museum.

Photo by: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:G.dallorto

My sister wrote me today about something she read in the Bible. I love the image she gave. Here it is:

"I was reading Romans and something jumped out at me. Paul said he was SOLD into slavery to sin...something totally against his will. In my mind I saw him up on a platform in chains, filthy and emaciated, and there's Adam as the auctioneer. 
Adam sold us to sin but at any time we decide on, Jesus can buy us. But even if we become servants in Jesus' household, we still have the scars and bad habits acquired when sin owned us. I guess what I'm trying to say is that none of it is our fault and Jesus knows it, but he also knows that the more time we spend serving in his house, the more the scars and bad habits will fade." 

"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin."  Romans 7:14

No, it isn't our fault we were born into a world of sin. I'm sure that is just one reason we are so dear to the heart of God. But even though he allowed us to be born into an evil world where we suffer, it is worth it (I admit it took me years to accept this) because he will make it up to us one day; he will give us a life that is so wonderful and different that Paul said we cannot even imagine it.  

"That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, 'No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.' "  1 Corinthians 2:9