Death Can Be Love.

My husband and I were talking about our grandson, Craig, who died a year and a half ago. I said something about not understanding why Craig had to die when so many other of his friends who had the same problems haven't died. My husband said, "When I pray, God says, 'Because I loved Craig. He died because I love him.' "

I have to say, that thought never crossed my mind and it gave me peace. It shows how little I know God because I rarely think that he loves people. I say it all the time, but I don't think I really believe it. When I pray for my daughters and grandchildren, I feel I have to convince God to love them as much as I do and save their souls. I've realized that deep down I don't really believe God loves me either.

I remember once Craig said to me, "God couldn't love me. I've done too many bad things." I said, "Craig, God loves you more than I do." I said it because the Bible says it, but did I really believe it? I don't think so. I feel sad about that and I've talked with God about it.

I guess in a world where people only love you when you are lovely it is hard to believe God's love. The Bible says it is an "unfailing" love. Everything in this world is conditional and it is hard to grasp this unconditional love of God. But I am trying.