My Personal Feelings on Suffering.

After my previous post on how to see suffering as a blessing I thought I would share my feelings on it. I think I understand intellectually the reasons for suffering but emotionally it is very difficult. I can understand the good that can come out of suffering, yet I feel upset and frightened by it.

It is all very easy to write about suffering but something else to go through it. Does it drive me to closer communion with God? Yes, definitely. Is that a blessing? Yes. But am I glad I went through the suffering? No. Am I grateful for the suffering? No. But I can say if I would not have given my life to God without this suffering than I am grateful for it.

Last night my granddaughter told me that when she gets her driving license she is going to drive all night long every night. She is so happy about this. I am sad. She has obsessive/compulsive disorder and can't sleep at night. Since she was little she has been up all night and sleeps in the day. We had hoped this would get better but it hasn't so far.

For years her mother has had to drive her around at night when she was frightened. That finally stopped a year ago, but now she is planning to do it herself when she has a license. What her future will be, I don't know. All our hearts have been broken from what she has been through. She is heartbroken herself. She has suffered immensely in many ways. Can I rejoice in this? No. Might this lead her to God? Yes, it might. She understands suffering, she is compassionate and she understands mental illness. This is a good thing but it came from years of terrible suffering. Right now she is angry at God because he didn't heal her illness.

So, have I really learned anything? Well, yes I think so. I'm not angry at God any more. I understand the reasons for suffering, which is very important to me. I always want to know the why of everything - especially this subject. And to know that suffering can make us better people is a comfort in a way.

God did not create us to suffer. He created us to be happy in Him. He created us to enjoy life and all its beauty. No wonder suffering feels like it doesn't belong in our life - we weren't made for it. But He can help us through it. He can carry us through it. And for that I am grateful.

I guess I write about suffering a lot. I do it because I struggle with it. I'll move on to other subjects next time. Love to all.