Worry, Fear and Catastrophic Thinking.

"Catastrophic thinking can be defined as ruminating about irrational worst-case outcomes."
 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-face-adversity/201103/catastrophic-thinking

"A person who suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) experiences a constant, uncontrollable worry and anxiety related to different aspects of life." 
http://web4health.info/gr/answers/anx-generalized-anxiety-syndrom.htm

Something in the side of my throat was throbbing intermittently with pain. My first thought? "It must be a tumor. Probably cancer. They will have to operate and I'll lose my speech and have a hole in my throat."

I go to the doctor. She looks down my throat and says, "You have a cold." 
Huh?

I've never had a cold that acted like this one, but it turned out she was right. I got a sore throat and headaches and then it all went away. Meanwhile, I had planned my funeral.

Well, I told you I was crazy. Anyway, Joyce Meyer calls these thoughts, "Evil Forebodings." She used to be like me. I found some translations that do point this out. 

Proverbs 15:15 

International Standard Version
'The entire life of the afflicted seems disastrous, but a good heart feasts continuously.'

New Living Translation
'For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.'

I think that when bad things happen to you for long enough you begin to think that is the way of life, that all things could turn out bad and you better be prepared. You don't want to be caught off guard or surprised by tragedy.

Actually, the worst things happened when I least expected it. Death doesn't always come from a long illness, it can be an accident that no one is prepared for. Losing a job can come out of the blue; my fist husband lost his job on Christmas Eve one year. Totally unexpected.

So really, expecting the worst does no good at all and actually makes your life a living hell. Being a mother, I've worried myself sick over my children but God has shown me this is fruitless and stupid. I must trust him to be with my children and my whole family and whatever he allows to happen - trust him implicitly. So, over the years I've done that; if I hadn't, I'd be in a padded cell.

But still, at 65 yrs. old my go-to is worry and sadness. I'll tell you something wonderful though; I've finally learned how not to dwell on my dark thoughts. First, I pray. Second, I write down my feelings to God. Third, I read over positive thoughts that I have put on cards and keep in a tupperware container. Fourth, I refuse to think about whatever was bothering me and think about something pleasant.

Someone might say, "Yeah, I've heard all that before and it didn't help me." Possibly. I'd heard it all before too, but after taking a bunch of sleeping pills and being in the hospital a person has a great motive to work hard. And it is hard work.

My therapist told me to write down my feelings. After a week or two of being okay I plunged into panic mode. Problem: I couldn't remember what she told me to do. So, I prayed and tried to think nice thoughts. Three days later, I remembered. Write feelings down on paper. Sheesh.

If I've learned anything from years of off and on therapy it is this: You get better so you quit therapy. Weeks or months pass and the depression and worry slowly returns. Why? Because you forget what you were taught. You don't keep up the exercises. You think you are what? Cured I guess. The brain is a weird thing that needs constant reminding. It's like we need daily contact with God and spiritual reading or we slowly but surely go down, down, down.

So, I hope with my vast experience at failing I can help someone! God bless you all. May he wrap his arms around you and give you a big kiss.