Years of Pain.

I have fibromyalgia. I've had it for about 20 years. I've learned that for me the pain comes from histamines in food and of course in different plants. Exhaustion is the worst symptom because I take care of most of the pain by anti-histamines and with cold pills.

After these years of being sick, I sometimes get angry and close to bitter about it. If I eat the wrong food or go to a restaurant I get weaker and sicker. It is almost impossible for me to stay on an anti-histamine diet every day. I'm so weak now I need my husband's help to go grocery shopping.

Anyway, I was kind of upset yesterday because I'd been extra sick for a long time; just going from the bed to the sofa; needing a chair by the stove so I don't have to stand too long when I'm cooking. So, I was feeling angry, but I know that gets me nowhere so I had my morning reading and talking with God. I asked him for patience and joy, which he lovingly supplied. I felt really happy.

But again, I woke up this morning and immediately felt angry again about my illness. I reached for my Bible and the first verse I read said,

"For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God you may receive the promise.
For after a little while, he who is coming will come and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith. If anyone draws back, my soul has no pleasure in him."   Hebrews 10:36-38

I smiled, because God always gives me verses at just the right time. Endurance - yeah, I'm not too good at that. I usually want to chuck everything in and give up. In fact, I have longed to leave this earth and be with God. But I have to wait until the time comes for that.

Paul says:
"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."  Romans 5:3-5

I remember when I read that verse years ago when I was trying to understand why we suffer. I thought, "Who cares about endurance? I just want to get off this earth and finally feel good." 

I've always known that being full of love for God and others was the most important fruit of the Spirit. I don't mind suffering in order to be loving; but I don't want to suffer in order to have endurance. It doesn't seem worth any amount of suffering to me.

But of course, I must be wrong because God is always right and so endurance must be important. Here is a definition:

endurance

noun

1. the act of enduring
2. the power of enduring; specif.,
   1. ability to last, continue, or remain
   2. ability to stand pain, distress, fatigue, etc.; fortitude
3. duration
4. RARE that which is endured; hardship

James 1:3-4  says, "For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."   Apparently, endurance has a perfect result!

The word, endurance, does remind me of the parable of the sower that Jesus told to the people. Some people who come to God eventually leave Him because of persecution, suffering, riches, worries, desires and the cares of this life. Mark 4.

If these people had endured to the end of their lives, they would have been saved. But they didn't endure. Jesus said they had no depth, no root. So, even though they had first accepted Jesus with joy - they didn't endure and were lost.

Everyone on earth suffers if they live long enough. No one is exempt; but God brings good out of everything and the good thing is patience and endurance.

Yes, I need endurance. We all need endurance and we can get it from only one place:

"Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement allow you to live in harmony with one another, according to the command of Christ Jesus."  Romans 15:5