God's Love Reaches to the Heavens.

Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the skies.

Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,

your justice like the great deep.

You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!

People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

They feast on the abundance of your house;

you give them drink from your river of delights.

For with you is the fountain of life;

in your light we see light.

Psalm 36:5-9

Album: Woship With Don Moen

Your steadfast love extends to the heavens
Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds
Your righteousness is like majestic mountains
And your wisdom like the depths of the sea
And you come to me

Filling my heart with your loving kindness
I find my peace in the shadow of your wings
I eat my fill from the abundance of your household
And I drink from the streams of rejoicing

You are my king

More lyrics http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/don_moen/your_steadfast_love-lyrics-224759.html#ixzz3kx2vejFv

I Know My Redeemer Lives.

For I know that my Redeemer lives.
And he shall stand at last on the earth.
And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,
That in my flesh I shall see God.

Whom I shall see for myself,
And my eyes shall behold,
and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!

Job 19:25-27

Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible
"...yet in my flesh shall I see God": he believed, that though he should die and molder into dust in the grave, yet he should rise again, and that in true flesh, not in an aerial celestial body, but in a true body, consisting of flesh, blood, and bones, which spirits have not, and in the same flesh or body he then had, his own flesh and body, and not another's; and so with his fleshly or corporeal eyes see God, even his living Redeemer, in human nature; who, as he would stand upon the earth in that nature, in the fulness of time, and obtain redemption for him, so he would in the latter day appear again, raise him from the dead, and take him to himself, to behold his glory to all eternity: or "out of my flesh" (f), out of my fleshly eyes; from thence and with those shall I behold God manifest in the flesh, my incarnate God; and if Job was one of those saints that rose when Christ did, as some say (g), he saw him in the flesh and with his fleshly eyes. 

"But He knows the way I take; When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold. 
My foot has held fast to His path; I have kept His way and not turned aside. 
I have not departed from the command of His lips; 
I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food."
Job 23:10-12

I admire Job. In reading his words, you can see a real person who is suffering terribly and not understanding why. He pours out how he feels; how he wishes he could talk with God and ask him why this is happening to him. He seems to come close to unbelief, but he always recovers and speaks of how he longs to be with God in heaven.

God never does explain to Job why he is suffering. He simply shows Himself to Job and Job says, " "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You; Therefore I retract, And I repent in dust and ashes."

I think if we knew how wise, loving and majestic God is, we would not bother to ask why, we would just accept whatever came from his hand and trust him. I remember someone asking me why God let all these bad things happen to them and I said, "It happens to people all over the world. Why should we be exempt?" I've always known I was just one person in a world full of pain. Still, I've been angry, depressed and despairing about my sufferings.

But I bring all these feelings to God now and he strengthens me to live my life in friendship with him. When I feel unloved and misunderstood by people, I know now that God is my friend. I can spend the whole day with him and share all I think and feel. Sometimes I ask him, "What should we do next?" Whatever I'm doing, I try to remember Jesus is right beside me. 

Sometimes I feel so alone. But Jesus is here, right here with me in this room. He takes me as I am; no harsh judgement, nothing but love. There is a song I listen to that says something like, "How could I face the day if you were not by my side." That's how I feel about God.

Creation, Redemption and the Sabbath.

I listened to a sermon a few weeks ago that opened my mind about the Sabbath commandment.  The preacher reminded us of when God gave the Ten Commandments to Moses. When Moses came down the mountain, he saw Israel worshiping a golden calf idol. He threw down the Ten Commandments and they shattered.

God made another set of commandments but he changed one a bit: the fourth one, the Sabbath commandment. I didn't realize this before. Here is the wording for both commandments:

"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. "Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. 
 Exodus 20:8-11

“Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the Lord your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns, so that your male and female servants may rest, as you do. Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the Lord your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the Lord your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day."
Deuteronomy 5:12-15

When I was a little girl, we memorized the first one at church and school. But this preacher was saying we were not to only remember and thank God he created us and all things; but we are also to remember we were slaves at one time. Not to humans, but to sin. Jesus set us free from slavery to sin and adopted us as his children. We are free indeed.

He also spoke on how the Sabbath was a rest after creation.  Genesis 2:2,3 says, "By the seventh day God completed His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done. Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made."

The Sabbath was a rest for Jesus, after he had gone through his terrible suffering for our redemption:  "Now the women who had come with Him out of Galilee followed, and saw the tomb and how His body was laid. Then they returned and prepared spices and perfumes. And on the Sabbath they rested according to the commandment."  Luke 23:55,56

Everyone knows Jesus rose from the dead on Sunday morning. They say that is why Christians celebrate the Sabbath on Sunday. Well, there is no scripture for this idea. It wasn't officially changed to Sunday for hundreds of years after Jesus' death: then it was done to placate the pagans who used to worship the sun on Sunday. Emperor Constantine started it. He was a sun worshiper before he became a Christian.

God is a poet. You can see that all through the Bible. He also speaks to us through symbols that have great meaning. The number 7 in scripture symbolizes perfection. So does the number 12. Most say it doesn't matter what day we worship God as long as we worship him. Yes, we need to worship him every day of the week. But there is a special blessing on the 7th Day. God says there is; we may not understand why, but he says it is a special day so I believe it. No one has the right to change God's law. 

Another law of God's that was changed was the second commandment against making idols. This was changed so they could make statues of Mary, the apostles and Jesus and bow down to them and pray to them. Man has thought to change God's laws, but they have not. They are the same as the day he wrote them on the mountain and gave them to Moses.

The preacher's name is Ty Gibson. He speaks of how God loves us so much that his sermons have helped me believe that. I've kind of thought God put up with me. It was hard to believe he loved me. But after listening to this man's sermons I know God loves me so very much. I feel adored by God.

You can listen to his sermons here:

http://www.pilgrimskeyradionetwork.com/sermons/sermons.php?speak=40

Why Doesn't God Just Show Up!

"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, just as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not have it!  Luke 13:13

I've heard a few people ask the question, "Why doesn't God just show himself to the world? Then people would believe in him" 

Well, he did show himself, many times, but we weren't interested. It didn't work. 

When the first murder on earth happened, God Himself did show up and try to reason with the killer.

Then the LORD said to Cain, "Where is Abel your brother?" And he said, "I do not know. Am I my brother's keeper?" Genesis 4:9

God gave Cain a chance to confess and tell God he was sorry he did it. That isn't what happened; God allowed Cain to move far away and build his own city.

Just seeing God personally and talking with him doesn't change people. Being sure there is a God who made the world and is righteous, doesn't change people. Even seeing someone rise up from a grave, awake from the dead, doesn't change people.

"But he (Jesus) said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be persuaded even if someone rises from the dead.'"  Luke 16:31

God knows what we are like. He knows when it will help to reveal himself and when it won't. That is where our faith comes in; we can believe he knows what he is doing.

Almost everyone knows the story of the Exodus and all the miracles God performed through Moses. Did this change the Egyptian King's heart? No. But the world heard the story and many did come to God; however the nearby nations did not leave their idols and neither did the Egyptians.

The king of Babylon set up a golden image and commanded everyone to bow down and worship it or be thrown into a fiery furnace. He called all the important people of his realm.

"Then the satraps, the prefects and the governors, the counselors, the treasurers, the judges, the magistrates and all the rulers of the provinces were assembled for the dedication of the image that Nebuchadnezzar the king had set up; and they stood before the image that Nebuchadnezzar had set up."

Three men from Jerusalem refused to bow and were thrown into the fire. But God was with them in the furnace and didn't allow them to die. The king called them out. Here was proof in the living God.

"The satraps, the prefects, the governors and the king's high officials gathered around and saw in regard to these men that the fire had no effect on the bodies of these men nor was the hair of their head singed, nor were their trousers damaged, nor had the smell of fire even come upon them.

Nebuchadnezzar responded and said, "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, who has sent His angel and delivered His servants who put their trust in Him, violating the king's command, and yielded up their bodies so as not to serve or worship any god except their own God."

Daniel Chapter 3.

Still, the king did not give his life to God until he became ill, and then he finally did. The known world at the time knew the whole story and did they become believers? We don't know. Probably some did, but the worship of the Jew's God did not take over the world.

Finally, God sent his Son into the world. God Himself was with us. He went about doing good, as the Bible says. He worked many miracles and even the voice of his Father was heard. Did this persuade the majority of people? No, instead the leaders plotted and killed God. He showed himself and we killed him. 

Evidence alone will not persuade anyone to follow God. There must be a longing in the heart for something better; for something beautiful. We can't find that beautiful thing here. Yes, nature is beautiful and people can be beautiful; but they can't satisfy that emptiness and longing inside of us to belong somewhere perfectly and to be loved perfectly. God can satisfy that longing.

The reason we don't feel at home here on earth is that we were made for something better, something perfect and full of beauty. We were made for God and a life with him in heaven. Jesus calls to our hearts to come to him and find that life. We have all heard him; we may try to quiet him, but he is there.

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me."  Revelation 3:20

"This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent."  John 17:3

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

"Lift up your eyes round about and see; They all gather together, they come to you. Your sons will come from afar, And your daughters will be carried in the arms.

Then you will see and be radiant, And your heart will thrill and rejoice; Because the abundance of the sea will be turned to you, The wealth of the nations will come to you."  Isaiah 60:4,5

Sometimes I Get Cranky.

Have you ever been going through rough times and you hear someone complaining about how their dinner at some restaurant wasn't cooked well? Or maybe they are upset because they couldn't get their nails done when they wanted them done. Whatever. Meanwhile, you are hanging onto life by your fingernails; you are in so much mental pain you can't think straight. But you can think straight enough to wonder what the hell they have to complain about. They should try your life out for a few minutes and they would never complain about small things again. (Of course you never share these thoughts with them. No, not nice.)

I sometimes wonder if Jesus felt frustrated like that at his followers.

"For He (Jesus) was teaching His disciples and telling them, "The Son of Man is to be delivered into the hands of men, and they will kill Him; and when He has been killed, He will rise three days later.  But they did not understand this statement, and they were afraid to ask Him.

They came to Capernaum; and when He was in the house, He began to question them, 'What were you discussing on the way?'

But they kept silent, for on the way they had argued with one another about who was the greatest."

Mark 9:31-34

So, Jesus is telling them once again that soon he would be killed and what do they talk about? Which one would have the best job in the new kingdom. Who was going to sit next to Jesus ruling Israel. That's what they were interested in. I imagine them thinking, "Jesus is always saying strange, incomprehensible things, so just forget what he said and lets discuss something that really matters."

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is when Jesus said, "And Jesus answered and said, 'You unbelieving and perverted generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring him here to Me.' "  Matthew 17:17  If anything shows Jesus' humanity, this is it. It also shows it isn't a sin to get exasperated with people. Jesus was always kind, so I'm sure he said this in a nice way. Maybe.

Well, In the Old Testament, God got good and mad at people too and I don't blame him. Sometimes I say to him, "I must drive you crazy, because I drive my own self crazy."   We are sure fortunate that God is patient. Super patient. I mean just look at the disciples; they were incredibly dumb. I'm glad, because then I don't have to feel so bad about myself. It's like I sometimes think (this is embarrassing), "David committed adultery and then murdered her husband. Well, I've never done anything close to that so I'm golden."  (I know we are saved by grace, but old habits die hard.)

Anyway, I'm with Jesus. Get me outta here. Get me to heaven where I can relax and I don't have to hear about stupid first-world problems.

The Lions of Samaria.

I found a great site online. Brian Hardin reads from the Bible every day. It is so relaxing to put on the earphones and listen as he reads. His site is called Daily Audio Bible: http://dailyaudiobible.com/

The other day, Brian was reading from 2 Kings 17. The king of Assyria had captured Israel and taken the people away. Then he filled the land of Samaria with other people:

"The king of Assyria brought people from Babylon, Kuthah, Avva, Hamath and Sepharvaim and settled them in the towns of Samaria to replace the Israelites. They took over Samaria and lived in its towns. When they first lived there, they did not worship the Lord; so he sent lions among them and they killed some of the people. It was reported to the king of Assyria: “The people you deported and resettled in the towns of Samaria do not know what the god of that country requires. He has sent lions among them, which are killing them off, because the people do not know what he requires.”

Then the king of Assyria gave this order: “Have one of the priests you took captive from Samaria go back to live there and teach the people what the god of the land requires.” So one of the priests who had been exiled from Samaria came to live in Bethel and taught them how to worship the Lord." 2 Kings 17:24-28

All this seemed strange to me until I thought about it. In ancient times people thought each land had a god they had to respect. God used this custom to bring his teachings to these people who had come from many different lands. 

"They worshiped the Lord, but they also served their own gods in accordance with the customs of the nations from which they had been brought." verse 33.

All through the years Samaritans did this. They worshiped God and also idols. But they had the books of Moses with them to study. One day, about 700 years later, Jesus walked into a town of Samaria. He met a woman there who had studied the books of Moses and she said to him, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” John 4:25

Jesus answered her, "I, the one speaking to you, I am he." verse 26.

Jesus knew this woman was ready to accept him. She had already accepted his Father.

How many Samaritans over the years had learned about and worshiped God because he made sure they heard of him? Perhaps thousands. I am always struck how God tried to take his message to all the nations of the world in the Old Testament. Sometimes his ways seem harsh: letting lions kill people. But, salvation is a matter of life and death and the King of Assyria probably wouldn't have listened to anything less than that.

I am just amazed by God's humility and how he will do so much to save us from ourselves and evil. He will even be worshiped alongside other idols, if the people don't know any better, and will teach those people and send the Holy Spirit to those people. I thank God he loves us all so much.

The Courage of Jesus.

I saw this question online today on Wendy Pope's blog at http://proverbs31.org/

 "What is one character trait Jesus bears that you would like to imitate?"

I immediately thought of courage since I feel like I have none. When Jesus was here, he seemed to have a lot of courage. He stood up to those who criticized his friends and were doing evil, he lived a life of poverty depending on the offerings of others, and he walked towards the cross with... "his face set like flint."

"And I know that I will not be ashamed.I gave my back to those who strike, and my cheeks to those who pull out the beard; I hid not my face from disgrace and spitting.
For the Lord GOD helps Me, Therefore, I am not disgraced; Therefore, I have set My face like flint,"  Isaiah 50:6

After thinking a bit, I decided love was a better trait than courage. Love is what God's kingdom is all about. It is what he is. Still, I just love Jesus' courage. I love how he faced life, trusting in his Father, never worried or seemingly afraid. 

However, the thought of the pain and humiliation of the cross brought Jesus a terrible sadness. “Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour."  John 12:27

I used to imagine what it was like to die for Jesus. Through the years, many were burned at the stake, tortured to death or thrown to the lions. It has actually been millions of people, starting with the death of Stephen and James. It is still going on right now in the Middle East and Africa. I wonder and I hope I would have the courage to die for the God I love. I pray I would. I would need his courage to do it.

Then He said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me." And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will."

Jesus didn't have to just die; he had to bear the sin of the world on his heart and become sin for us, an offering of blood and death so we could be saved. How that felt and what that really means is beyond my understanding. I think it means he went through hell for us.

"So Jesus said to Peter, "Put the sword into the sheath; the cup which the Father has given Me, shall I not drink it?"

I thank God for Jesus' courage, for he decided to drink the cup of suffering that would save us.

A Parent's Love and Worry.

I said to my husband this morning, "I'm 65 years old and I still have trouble trusting God. It astounds me how little faith and trust I have."

I said this because I was thinking about my granddaughters. All three of them are now adults, ages 22, 19 and 18. They are getting jobs, traveling, and making decisions about careers. For better or worse, they are now on their own in this crazy world.

I was visiting them last week and I noticed that my daughter worries about them as I've been doing. We both know how the world can hurt you. Of course, I mean the people of the world. Those people aren't in love with the girls like we are. Those people can be mean, nasty and dangerous. We want to shield the girls from any harm that might come. The trouble is, we know we can't.

A person can go nuts with worry. This is not what Jesus wants from us. He says to trust in God in every situation; and it's no wonder, because worry is so destructive to our minds and hearts. I must give my granddaughters to God. I must trust he hears my prayers for them. I must trust he loves them even more than I do.

Even as I type those words I feel a peace come in.

I read in the Bible this morning, "Righteousness will go before Him, and He shall make his footsteps our pathway."  Psalm 85:13

"His footsteps will be our pathway." I thought of Jesus and how he said, "Follow me." He trusted his Father. Jesus never worried. He suffered, but he continually trusted God. I pray for his trust, his peace and his serenity. Worry comes into my heart every day; that is the kind of person I am. But I can pray every day too. I can pray for Jesus to fill me with himself and he has promised to do this. I can pray he will take my worries about my grandchildren and cast them into the depths of the sea, and I can believe he will, for this day. I can trust for this day, one day at a time.

God's Work in North Africa.

Men of Algeria, 1987

"It will come about after this That I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind; And your sons and daughters will prophesy, Your old men will dream dreams, Your young men will see visions." Joel 2:28

“‘And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams."  Acts 2:17

I read that there was a wonderful movement of God in Algeria, so I went online to see if it were true. Yes, Praise God, it is true! Muslims are having dreams and visions of Jesus and angels. How wonderful, how good is our heavenly Father!  Here is an address to go to to read about it.

http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/world/2014/April/Revival-in-Land-Once-Hostile-to-Christ/

"...a profound move of God in the predominantly Muslim nations of Mauritania, Western Sahara, Morocco, Algeria, Libya and Tunisia.

From the shores of Casablanca, Morocco, to Tripoli, Libya, experts say the growth of Christianity, especially in the last 20 years, has been unprecedented.

Now that growth is also evident in the North African nation of Algeria."

God is pouring out the Holy Spirit in abundance. Praise the Lord! It is wonderful to be in the last days of earth's history and see how God works to bring thousands of people to himself. May the whole world be lightened with his glory.

"Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains."  James 5:7

“Be glad, O children of Zion, and rejoice in the LORD your God, for he has given the early rain for your vindication; he has poured down for you abundant rain, the early and the latter rain, as before."  Joel 2:23

I Stumbled and Fell then Went Around A Mountain.

"Now to the one who is able to keep you from falling and to make you stand joyful and faultless in his glorious presence, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus the Messiah, our Lord, be glory, majesty, power, and authority before all time and for all eternity! Amen."  Jude 1:24,25

I wrote about going around the same mountain as a Christian. You fail and fall and God picks you up and you go around the mountain again. It is like learning to ride a bike. First you fall, but with practice you start to soar and you can go down steep hills and keep your balance.

A mountain I've been going around all my life has been hopelessness and depression. I've battled it, but sometimes it gets the better of me. When I was 14, I took a bunch of sleeping pills. I had my stomach pumped and was sent to a psychiatrist. I'm afraid he wasn't much help which was due to my attitude.

There have been times since then that I thought about going through with suicide, mostly in my fifties and sixties. I would get to a point of feeling there was no hope for me to ever feel happiness again and it didn't seem worth living. This came to a head last summer.

Something happened in my family, some misunderstandings, and I felt completely devastated. I felt unloved and so alone. I knew I had God, but it just wasn't enough so I took sleeping pills once again. My husband came home and found me unconscious. I woke in the hospital, spoke to a psychiatrist and went home. I started weekly therapy and began to get better. I started to do all I could do to think positive thoughts and write down my negative thoughts and give them to God immediately - as soon as I started feeling sad. This was working and I started feeling happy; not just content, but actually joyous.

Then, something happened in the family that was close to what happened the time I took the pills. I hung up the phone and I heard God speak in my mind, "What are you going to do Belle? Are you going to take pills again?" I said, "No, Lord. I've learned you are enough for me. I don't need the approval or love of anyone else but you." And it was true, I felt calm about the whole incident.

Now, how did I learn that in a few months? I have no idea. I do know that it is hard to change without living through an experience. Just reading about how to trust God in all circumstances isn't the same as doing it because you have to. Maybe it was because I now had hope because the things I was doing were helping me think positive. Hope is so important. Everyone needs hope for their future.

 "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

It is interesting God is called the "God of Hope". He is everything good, and hope is good. Even if we are dying right now, we can still have hope. Hope in a future with God and happiness forever.

Worry, Fear and Catastrophic Thinking.

"Catastrophic thinking can be defined as ruminating about irrational worst-case outcomes."
 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-face-adversity/201103/catastrophic-thinking

"A person who suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) experiences a constant, uncontrollable worry and anxiety related to different aspects of life." 
http://web4health.info/gr/answers/anx-generalized-anxiety-syndrom.htm

Something in the side of my throat was throbbing intermittently with pain. My first thought? "It must be a tumor. Probably cancer. They will have to operate and I'll lose my speech and have a hole in my throat."

I go to the doctor. She looks down my throat and says, "You have a cold." 
Huh?

I've never had a cold that acted like this one, but it turned out she was right. I got a sore throat and headaches and then it all went away. Meanwhile, I had planned my funeral.

Well, I told you I was crazy. Anyway, Joyce Meyer calls these thoughts, "Evil Forebodings." She used to be like me. I found some translations that do point this out. 

Proverbs 15:15 

International Standard Version
'The entire life of the afflicted seems disastrous, but a good heart feasts continuously.'

New Living Translation
'For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.'

I think that when bad things happen to you for long enough you begin to think that is the way of life, that all things could turn out bad and you better be prepared. You don't want to be caught off guard or surprised by tragedy.

Actually, the worst things happened when I least expected it. Death doesn't always come from a long illness, it can be an accident that no one is prepared for. Losing a job can come out of the blue; my fist husband lost his job on Christmas Eve one year. Totally unexpected.

So really, expecting the worst does no good at all and actually makes your life a living hell. Being a mother, I've worried myself sick over my children but God has shown me this is fruitless and stupid. I must trust him to be with my children and my whole family and whatever he allows to happen - trust him implicitly. So, over the years I've done that; if I hadn't, I'd be in a padded cell.

But still, at 65 yrs. old my go-to is worry and sadness. I'll tell you something wonderful though; I've finally learned how not to dwell on my dark thoughts. First, I pray. Second, I write down my feelings to God. Third, I read over positive thoughts that I have put on cards and keep in a tupperware container. Fourth, I refuse to think about whatever was bothering me and think about something pleasant.

Someone might say, "Yeah, I've heard all that before and it didn't help me." Possibly. I'd heard it all before too, but after taking a bunch of sleeping pills and being in the hospital a person has a great motive to work hard. And it is hard work.

My therapist told me to write down my feelings. After a week or two of being okay I plunged into panic mode. Problem: I couldn't remember what she told me to do. So, I prayed and tried to think nice thoughts. Three days later, I remembered. Write feelings down on paper. Sheesh.

If I've learned anything from years of off and on therapy it is this: You get better so you quit therapy. Weeks or months pass and the depression and worry slowly returns. Why? Because you forget what you were taught. You don't keep up the exercises. You think you are what? Cured I guess. The brain is a weird thing that needs constant reminding. It's like we need daily contact with God and spiritual reading or we slowly but surely go down, down, down.

So, I hope with my vast experience at failing I can help someone! God bless you all. May he wrap his arms around you and give you a big kiss.

A Suffering Man.

Who has believed our message

and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

He grew up before him like a tender shoot,

and like a root out of dry ground.

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,

nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

He was despised and rejected by mankind,

a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.

Like one from whom people hide their faces

he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Surely he took up our pain

and bore our suffering,

yet we considered him punished by God,

stricken by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was on him,

and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to our own way;

and the Lord has laid on him

the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted,

yet he did not open his mouth;

he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,

and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,

so he did not open his mouth.

By oppression and judgment he was taken away.

Yet who of his generation protested?

For he was cut off from the land of the living;

for the transgression of my people he was punished.

He was assigned a grave with the wicked,

and with the rich in his death,

though he had done no violence,

nor was any deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,

and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin,

he will see his offspring and prolong his days,

and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.

After he has suffered,

he will see the light of life and be satisfied;

by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,

and he will bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,

and he will divide the spoils with the strong,

because he poured out his life unto death,

and was numbered with the transgressors.

For he bore the sin of many,

and made intercession for the transgressors.

Isaiah 53