I Stumbled and Fell then Went Around A Mountain.

"Now to the one who is able to keep you from falling and to make you stand joyful and faultless in his glorious presence, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus the Messiah, our Lord, be glory, majesty, power, and authority before all time and for all eternity! Amen."  Jude 1:24,25

I wrote about going around the same mountain as a Christian. You fail and fall and God picks you up and you go around the mountain again. It is like learning to ride a bike. First you fall, but with practice you start to soar and you can go down steep hills and keep your balance.

A mountain I've been going around all my life has been hopelessness and depression. I've battled it, but sometimes it gets the better of me. When I was 14, I took a bunch of sleeping pills. I had my stomach pumped and was sent to a psychiatrist. I'm afraid he wasn't much help which was due to my attitude.

There have been times since then that I thought about going through with suicide, mostly in my fifties and sixties. I would get to a point of feeling there was no hope for me to ever feel happiness again and it didn't seem worth living. This came to a head last summer.

Something happened in my family, some misunderstandings, and I felt completely devastated. I felt unloved and so alone. I knew I had God, but it just wasn't enough so I took sleeping pills once again. My husband came home and found me unconscious. I woke in the hospital, spoke to a psychiatrist and went home. I started weekly therapy and began to get better. I started to do all I could do to think positive thoughts and write down my negative thoughts and give them to God immediately - as soon as I started feeling sad. This was working and I started feeling happy; not just content, but actually joyous.

Then, something happened in the family that was close to what happened the time I took the pills. I hung up the phone and I heard God speak in my mind, "What are you going to do Belle? Are you going to take pills again?" I said, "No, Lord. I've learned you are enough for me. I don't need the approval or love of anyone else but you." And it was true, I felt calm about the whole incident.

Now, how did I learn that in a few months? I have no idea. I do know that it is hard to change without living through an experience. Just reading about how to trust God in all circumstances isn't the same as doing it because you have to. Maybe it was because I now had hope because the things I was doing were helping me think positive. Hope is so important. Everyone needs hope for their future.

 "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

It is interesting God is called the "God of Hope". He is everything good, and hope is good. Even if we are dying right now, we can still have hope. Hope in a future with God and happiness forever.

Big Picture/Small Picture.

Someone who has a chronic illness told me they wished life could be the way it was before. She had years of happiness; a job, money and friends. All that is gone now. Why couldn't she be happy like that again?

I told her I had years like that too. The years my girls were young were my happiest. My husband and I were healthy and strong. We had good times camping and hiking. Those days are gone for me also. My husband has a chronic illness, I have a mental illness and my dear grandson has died.

I said, "You are looking at the 'Big Picture'. You now have to look at the small joys of life. Didn't we laugh and have fun when we were watching some cooking shows? Didn't we have a great time playing Scrabble? Didn't we enjoy watching that crazy 'Green Lantern' movie?

When life has gone south - it is the small joys of life that can keep us happy. Ask God for that mindset. And  reading the Bible, gaining strength, hope and happiness from God is the way to that mindset. I can then look at the even 'Bigger Picture' of God's kingdom and the life I will have there one day. I can see life from God's perspective. This is the 'hope' that the Bible speaks of; the hope of another life with eternal happiness and peace.