Lending

I'm having a struggle with lending.

Jesus said, "f you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lent to sinners in order to receive back the same
amount...Lend, expecting nothing in return."

I have no trouble lending, it is the not asking for it back that I find hard. My grandsons borrow money continually. They always run out before the next payday. So, I loan them anywhere from $20 - $100. Unless I remind them, they don't usually pay me back.

The Lord has been working on me in this area. Sometimes I ask for it back and sometimes I don't. I want to get to the point where I trust God enough to never, ever ask for anything back from anyone.

One time, when I was in college, I had a friend, a single girl who was quite poor. I am nowhere near rich, but I did have more than her. One summer, she asked to borrow my small BBQ. I gladly loaned it to her, but a month or so later I needed it to go camping. I called her up and she didn't want to give it back. I was angry, went over to her house and took it out of her back yard.

I have felt bad about that ever since. I know God would not have wanted me to do that. I was angry at her for presuming I could just go out and buy another one, which I couldn't. But, no matter, I definitely should not have taken it back. I should have trusted God about the whole thing. I didn't.

This week, my daughter need some money for bills. I got fretful and worried - which always leads to trouble. I called my grandsons and said I wanted the money they owed me so I could give it to my daughter. One of them was having a hard time, so I told him to forget the loan. The other one said yes, it was easy for him to pay me.

Afterwards, I felt guilty. I thought, "Are you ever going to learn this lesson and obey God?" I hope I do some day, because he will test me again and again until I do learn it. I don't mind. It is my own fault. But if God keeps reminding me when I do it that I am doing wrong, I think I will get it some day.