Troubles.

I haven't felt well for a couple of days. I thought I was getting the flu or my fibromyalgia was flaring up and getting worse. I didn't get out of bed much yesterday and slept until 2:00pm. I felt weak and my stomach was hurting.

I finally realized what was wrong this morning as I listened to a song on my friend Nezzy's blog at http://cowpattysurprise.blogspot.com/ As I listened, the tears started falling. I knew I felt upset about a few things, but I really didn't know how upset I was until I started crying.

You see, my sister called me and we talked about her sufferings, then my granddaughter Faith came and talked with me the same morning. They both told me the same thing. They have no hope. No hope for a better life, no hope that God will help them. My sister is very ill and can't work. My granddaughter has a mental illness and can't go to school or work. They are both so sad and feel so hopeless. I try to encourage them. I try to tell them there is hope. They have both prayed to God for years but they feel he doesn't care.

I was thinking this morning, "What is life on this world?" When Jesus was here he healed everyone who asked. He showed how much he loved every person. He gave and gave and then gave his own life. That is what God is like. He came to show us what God is like.

So then how do you explain why God says, "No," to healing? Some answers are "No" from God. I know that and accept it. I also do not believe it is a lack of faith in people when they are not healed. I don't think we have to drum up faith to be heard. If our faith is the size of a mustard seed, God will work through us.

Because my father sexually and physically abused me when I was a child, I have questioned the love and mercy of God. I know where my sister and granddaughter are coming from. I studied the subject of suffering for five years and finally accepted the fact we live in a dark and horrible world where people suffer all the time. We are in a war against evil angels who hate everyone and especially God. They want us to be discouraged and to doubt God's love.

Listening to the song this morning, I said to God, "I want to fall in love with you." I want to love and trust him no matter what happens to me, my family or the world. I want to believe and not doubt. It has always been a struggle for me, but I am determined to choose the Lord's side in this war - now and forever.